《剑16》Test 1 小作文

审题：

折线图是雅思考试的常客，但他并不友好，主要是因为他动态的线条让广大考生捉摸不透，看的头昏眼花。 

破此题之前，不妨先通过《剑16》 给出的官方低分范文【5分】的评语来剖析一下考官对于标准线图写作的期待。

1. “ The response focuses on the detail of when the lines on the graph intersect but there is a lack of clarity in these details. The description of the second chart lacks detail. This limits the task achievement.”

如上，考官反复提到了三遍缺少“details”这个缺点, 并且强调了这对于“task achievement” 的得分是息息相关的。那么什么是所谓的 “details” 呢，一般来说，大家只要抓住几个点【起点，终点，交点，最·高点最·低点】，和各条线的趋势【也就是上升/下降的幅度】进行描述，就能拿到对应分数了。 

2.“There is a lack of coherence caused by missing or inaccurate

cohesive features [Over than] and there is repetition [percentage of household | number of hours per week] caused by the lack of cohesion.” 

如上，这个部分的评论又重复提到了几个玄乎的词汇的缺失“ coherence” “ cohesive features” 以及 “cohesion” 。究竟是什么的缺失，让考官如此 “生气”

其实这几个玄词大家可以通俗的理解为句子间的衔接词和代词的使用， 以及线的分组的合理性。具体怎么做，不妨看下文。

当然评语当中还充斥着对于用词及语法的 “吐槽”，这里就不一一剖析了，词汇丰富度及语法多样性的必要性相信大家都懂。

 01 

The lines illustrate the changing percentages of the electronic appliances ownership and the weekly time allocated to housework, including washing clothes, preparing meals and cleaning,  from 1920 to 2019. Overall, with the proliferation of versatile electrical appliances, people had been living a more convenient life with higher efficiency, which can be mirrored by the ever-decreasing hours spent in addressing domestic trivialities.

☀ 开头段的改写当然是要把原先的句式/用词变一变，但是想不到同义词怎么办？想到了发现句式还是与原来差不多怎么办？于是不妨优先考虑将题干的主语替换了，这样用词、句式也就自然发生了改变。

☀ Overall 段落居然出现在了这里？是的，可以的，毕竟overall 段落是写图表笼统、宏观的情况。出现在这里预告下文内容，合理吧。此外，overall的写作可以不必出现增长下降的趋势，不妨多用形容词来描述数据背后的事实。

 02 

The ownership of refrigerators and vacuum cleaners had seen massive growth. Specifically, in terms of refrigerators, no household 【描述0%不必要出现具体数字】 owned it in 1920, but the ownership of them had the sharpest increase compared with that of the remainders. Notably, since 1980, having refrigerators had become commonplace 【好用的形容词来描述程度：多】, without no household being no exception 【描述100%不必要出现具体数字】. While owing vacuum cleaners had not been as popular as owing refrigerators until 2000【又是一个好用的形容词体现了程度，同时通过比较完成衔接】, the ownership of them also witnessed a substantial growth of 70% 【实义动词：witness】. Those drastic increases contrasted sharply with the slight one in the ownership of washing machines, from 40% to roughly 63%. 【通过比较完成衔接】

☀ 常说线图分组依据就看上升下降趋势即可，那这种全都上升的线怎么办？答案是按照纵轴的位置分，也就是纵轴位置一开始靠下，但后来居上的分为一部分；一开始居上，但后来居下的分为另外一个部分。

 03 

In terms of the weekly hours spent on housework by each household, a dramatic plunge, from 50 hours to 11 hours, happened over the period from 1920 to 1980. In the next 20 years, the figure had been stable, and then the number was taken to a new low (10) by a slight slip.

☀ 单独一条线可太好写啦，但是写的时候注意：主语的多样性。

好啦，今天的分享就到这啦。制造类流程图的小作文又如何写呢，详情可查看【《剑16》Test 2 小作文详解 | 制造类流程图如何写才能得高分？】。